How to Look Like Wolf Man
"I'm the best there is at what I do, but what I do best isn't very nice." - Wolverine
How many times have you said to yourself that you would like to look just like Michael J. Fox in that loveable film of the 80s, Teen Wolf? How many long hours have you spent trying to recreate that Eddie Monster style with some gel and a plastic comb? Have you ever watched the original Wolf Man with Lon Chaney and wondered, ‘how did he create that snazzy, ratted, werewolf-like coiffure’? I have discovered the secret! It is so simple; you can have the Wolf Man look as early as tomorrow morning! Think how surprised your friends will be to see your new do! Think how envious others will be with their carefully manicured hairstyles that actually move in the wind! Wolf Man hair can be achieved with any hair length*! Wolf Man hair can be achieved in just minutes! And best of all, Wolf Man hair is simple to maintain!
Well, now the secret can be yours! The magic of furry bouffant is only a night away! To create the lupine look of teenage boy after being attacked by a cursed werewolf, read on, my friend, read on!
The Wolf Man coiffure is so simple that you will be amazed that you haven’t tried it yet. Simply amazed!
1. Stay in bed for a long period of time. Preferably with an illness or injury or Game of Thrones marathon that keeps you under the covers and passing out during the day with a duvet over your head in place of an eye-mask to block out the sun. This is so that you can sweat unabated.
2. Make sure to alter your sleeping habits for at least 24 hours so you are a bit groggy.
3. Remove the silky pillowcases from your pillows to wash them so that you can rub your hair on the naked pillow causing more friction and static cling. A more advanced stage of bedhead. Abandon the pillowcases and the laundry plans. They are no longer relevant to achieve the look.
5. When you wake up for work, instead of washing your hair, forget about it standing vertical from your scalp and use that ‘extra’ time to watch morning television and make tacky comments about the current political climate while sloshing around a cup of Scottish Breakfast tea. The type of tea is not important, the procrastination is key. Don’t make any attempt to style your hair. Leave it alone in the purest state of bed-head as you possibly can.
6. In the last five minutes before you leave for work, best after a mini-frizzing session in a hot shower, overproduct your already dirty hair (a gel you have found under the sink you haven’t used in some time, perhaps ever, works best). The "quarter-sized" recommendation is merely that. Don't limit yourself to a quarter. Try a tablespoon or half of cup of gel. Manipulate your do until you look like Flash Gordon mid-flight.
7. Wedge a 1950s style headband on your head to create the distinctive "Wolf Man profile" and puffy, Pachycephalosaurus-esque bouffant ridge. Ideally, it should match the size of your forehead.
8. Take the hair band off to switch it for one that isn’t quite so tacky and leopard-printed, then forget or abandon it and leave it at home instead. The distinctive profile should be firmly set.
9. Run out in the wind for about half of a San Francisco city block to quick dry the product in your hair, freezing it like a Pompeiian-like tragedy. Your Wolf Man bouffant will now be ready for the day.
10. Enjoy your Wolf Man hair! No matter how much you try to fix it with your hands, pocket comb and water from the bathroom sink, the Wolf Man style will remain intact until you wash it.
* shorter to mid- shoulder length hair works best to create and hold the Wolf Man style
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